Assorted Things
by Page Of Blaze
Summary: This will just be a collection of one-offs I've written as I'm working on my DaveKat story - mostly written when I had a little writers block.
1. Have A Little Erikat

***Authors note***

**Okay.**  
**This was sort-of inspired by this: /listen/wjob**  
**So go listen to it and cry like a baby. (I know I did :( )**

I waited until everyone cleared out before going to his body and sitting next to it, pulling his head into my lap.

What an idiot. He'd been asking for this when he attacked them. I rocked myself gently, cursing the stupid Prince.

I didn't even notice I was crying until I saw my pink tears mixing with the blood on his face.

I kissed him desperately, hoping that some how, somewhere his dream self was waiting, now taking over his life.

I sat there, praying that somehow I'd revived him, but knowing that it wasn't possible anymore. All of our dream selves were long dead.

"YOU STUPID FUCKING PRICK" I screamed at him, more tears streaming down my face. "why couldn't you just leave them? All you've done is hurt everyone." I sobbed freely, glad that everyone had left.

I cursed myself. If I had've followed him instead of freaking out, he would still be alive. I could have saved him, but I didn't.

I laughed weakly. Really, it was all my fault. Everything. Everyone's deaths, the failure of our session, the cancer in the universe we'd made. I was a failure as a leader. And it was because of my failures that I now sat here, mourning the loss of my matesprit.

We'd been together so long, I was surprised that no-one else knew. We'd intentionally kept it secret, but normally people found out anyway.

"You're so pathetic." I whispered, still crying. "I'm pathetic too, but you're so much more so. It's why I pity you."

I scrubbed at the tear tracks on my face, only to have fresh tears make new ones.

"It's kinda hard not to pity you, after the way Fef left you, but I also saw just how much you sucked at filling quadrants. It just made you that much more pitiful." I sniffled. "I'm going to miss you, you know." I kissed him gently, preparing to leave. I'd come back later to move his body, because no-one else seemed to care about that. "I-" my voice cracked and more tears flowed down my face. "I pity you, Eridan."

I hugged him to me one last time, sobbing into his stupid purple-streaked hair.

"I….I love you." I used the strange human phrase, just feeling like it should be said.

I stood and turned to leave, wiping the tears from my face again.

I took a few steps before turning back again. I stepped back and reached down, carefully removing the glasses that I'd said I'd hated but really adored. "Goodbye." I straightened and walked away, not looking back, tears still streaming down my face, feeling emotionally numb, but I didn't care. I was going to be a better leader from now on. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let this happen again. I wasn't going to let anyone face this kind of pain.


	2. In Which Karkat Explains Things

***Authors note***

**First, there will be an authors note at the beginning of each thing, just explaining a little about the story.**

**Okay, this is sorta DaveKat, but not really.**  
**I drew this picture of KK cross-dressing (Don't ask) and then wrote this to match.**

**This is set while they're on the meteor to the new session.**

"Holy fuck man"

"DAVE! FUCK! GET OUT!"

"What? No way man, I gotta know what this is about." I smirk as I kick the door closed behind me, taking in the appearance of the troll in front of me.

I'd been searching for Karkat, planning to see how far I could push him before he attacked me and, well, I'd found him.

The only issue was his clothing.

Instead of his usual turtleneck and jeans he was wearing a black off-the-shoulder tee and a red miniskirt. His usually wild hair had been tamed into pigtails and I'm pretty sure there was lip gloss on his lips.

"Dave…" he growled. "Go. Now."

"Nope." I sat, making myself comfortable. "Not until you explain the cross-dressing."

He looked at me, gauging how persistent I was going to be.

"Fine." He sighed, flopping backwards into a pile of dirty laundry, unintentionally giving me a nice upskirt view.

"Well?" I prompted.

"Well…. You know how trolls have both a nook _and_ a bulge?" I nodded and he continued. "This means that physically there is no difference between the genders, so which gender you are depends in completely psychological differences."

"Okay. That still doesn't explain the cross-dressing."

"When we're freshly pupated we're… encouraged… to 'cross-dress', as you call it, before we choose a gender. I guess I just….. never really grew out of it." He blushed slightly, his cheeks turning an ashy grey.

"Okay, but how do you choose whether you want to be male or female? Like is it determined by whether you prefer your nook of bulge? …fuck you call them weird things."

He blushed more.

"No. Which you prefer has nothing to do with it!" His voice rose in volume.

"You sure? How can you tell?"

"Because I….."he trailed off into unintelligible mumbling.

"You what?"

"I prefer my…." More mumbling.

"Prefer your what?" I leaned forwards, letting my shades slip down my face, letting red eyes meet red eyes.

"I PREFER MY NOOK, OKAY NOOKSNIFFER?" he blushed furiously, turning away from me.

"Ah, but how do you know that that's not the male thing? Maybe preferring your nook equals male."

"I – "He began an angry reply, then stopped, thinking, "That…. Would make sense…. I mean Terezi -" He stopped suddenly, remembering I was there. "Well. Yeah, I guess."

"Well, I best be going. The Mayor's expecting me. We're renovating the town hall with the cans of pears Rose accidentally made." I stood, and opened the door.

"Wait! Aren't you… going to tease me about this? I mean, you normally do…." He shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"What? No way man."

"I… but"

"See, when I was little Bro dressed me as a girl, mostly for lols, I guess, and I…. guess I never really grew out of it." I winked at him over my shades. "You tell anyone this," I stepped through the doorway, looking back over my shoulder, "and I'll claim it's for ironic purposes only. Understand?"

"I – Yes!" He nodded, his pigtails swinging with the sudden movements.

"Good. See ya Kark."

I walked down the hall, barely hearing his 'bye, Dave' as I turned the corner, heading towards Can Town.


End file.
